by Sonja J. Keith

Judi Lively has a lot to be thankful for as she considers the upcoming holiday season. Most of all, she is thankful that her oldest son is getting help with his addiction problem and her family will all be together during the holidays for the first time in four years.

Judi grew up in Little Rock before her family moved to Mount Vernon when she was in high school. After high school graduation, she worked at Acxiom for 27 years and raised three sons as a single mother beginning when her oldest son, Rob, was 12. The close-knit family spent a lot of time at athletic events. “Our lives revolved around where the next ballgame was,” she said, adding that she remarried five years later. “Jim is really good to them and with them.”

After her father died, Judi’s two brothers moved to the Florida Keys. Both struggled with addiction issues, and her older brother became homeless, which impacted her. “Both of my brothers died from addiction-related illness before they were 50.”

HELPING THE HOMELESS

When an opportunity presented itself to join the Bethlehem House board, Judi volunteered. She was serving as the board secretary and on the interview committee for a new executive director when she felt called to include her name. “I was never satisfied with those we interviewed,” she said, explaining that she questioned whether the applicants cared enough and if they would treat the homeless like people.

Although it was a drastic cut in salary, Judi and her husband, Jim, felt it was the right move. “I believe God has throughout my life prepared me for major things years in advance. I don’t know that’s what He is doing at the time,” Judi said. “My heart for the people we serve is never ending.”

Now, she sees that God prepared her for her son’s addiction through her work at Bethlehem House.

Judi has served as the executive director for Bethlehem House for 13 years. In those years, she has seen various reasons why individuals and families become homeless. She estimates that addiction is probably a factor in about 70 percent of homeless cases with various reasons for addiction. For some of them, they were introduced to drugs as children by their parents. “Often, after we do those interviews, we just think, ‘I need to go home and hug my child.’ I need joy,” she said. “Addiction is a huge issue, but not the only one.”

METH ADDICTION

Over the last five years, Judi and Jim have faced difficulties and challenges as her oldest son battled a methamphetamine addiction. “I think Rob used drugs for many years before I was aware.” The problem came to light when Rob, a construction worker, had a heart attack and had to have triple bypass surgery. “It shocked us all,” Judi said. “It was very traumatic for us as a family and just the realization of how close we came to losing him.”

Judi said after the heart attack and surgery, the family noticed changes in Rob, who began making poor choices. In January 2015, Rob was in a car accident and broke his back, which required surgery. Judi had thought Rob was using pills but she learned he was actually using meth. “I kind of lost it,” she said, considering the dangers and risks involved with the substance. “I became very upset.”

Even though he was unable to use drugs for a while after back surgery, he went back to meth and his addiction worsened, according to Judi. “His addiction kind of took over.”

For the next three and a half years, Judi and Jim saw very little of Rob. He did not visit or attend family gatherings, including holiday celebrations. He was arrested several times, usually for drug-related offenses. “He really alienated all of us,” she said. “I believed he did it because he didn’t want to drag us down that rabbit hole with him.”

Judi Lively’s son, Rob, at age 3.

When Rob did come around, what he talked about seemed odd. “I really convinced myself, in my denial, that he must have become bipolar. I chose to believe that because it was easier to me in a way than for him to be a full-blown addict.”

Living in a camper in a barn, Rob lost relationships and a “great job” during this time. “He was just somebody we didn’t know,” Judi said. “It was almost like losing him although there was still hope we could get him back.”

During this time, Judi said she didn’t sleep a lot but she did pray a lot and so did friends and co-workers.  When it would get really tough, she and Jim would visit their grandchildren. Still, there was a reminder of the family interaction that Rob was missing. Judi also suffered physical ailments related to the stress she was under.

On some of the occasions when he would visit, Rob would bring strangers to the couple’s house. “He would say, ‘Mom, you have no idea how bad it is out there.’” Judi told him she worked with the homeless so she was familiar with the conditions. Still, he insisted that she did not know.

“It was very hard, not knowing where he was. It was very hard not knowing if he was alive, because there would be times when we wouldn’t hear from him for weeks.”

During this difficult time, there were some things that were important to Judi, including paying for Rob’s phone so if he needed to call, he could. She also had food at their home if he needed it.

In late January, Rob was trying to drive a friend home when the police attempted to stop him but he fled. When he was stopped, Rob was arrested and charged with a felony. Rob called Judi from jail and asked her repeatedly to bail him out. “I knew it wasn’t the right thing to do…We realized we had to do something. His life was in danger,” Judi said, adding that he had lost a lot of weight. “His bail amount was significant and we decided not to do it.” Rob continued to call every night for the first week he was incarcerated. While very difficult, Judi continued to tell Rob that they were not going to get him out, using the excuse that they couldn’t afford it.

RENEWAL RANCH

On one call, he asked Judi about going to Renewal Ranch, an alcohol and drug addiction ministry in Perry County. Judi was familiar with the Ranch and its executive director, James Loy, as Bethlehem House and the ministry have had a good working relationship and shared clients. She contacted James Loy, the executive director, and asked him to talk to Rob, warning him that Rob had some “strange ideas” about who God is.

“I didn’t know what else to do,” Judi said. “It was the only thing I knew to do.”

James visited with Rob and then contacted Judi. He told her, “he has some very strange ideas about God, but I think we can help him.”

After 33 days in jail, the judge released Rob to the ranch. During the initial 30-day “quiet” phase at the Ranch, Judi had no contact with Rob. She regularly contacted Ranch leaders to check on Rob to check on how he was doing. Judi was excited when his first Saturday visitation finally rolled around. “I could not get to the ranch soon enough,” she said, explaining that she arrived at 9:30 a.m. for the 10 o’clock chapel. She was happy with what she saw.

“He had life in his eyes and he had put on some weight,” she said, adding that it was as if her lost child was being returned to her. “He was so happy to see us. I can’t tell you before that when he was happy to see us.”

On the Saturdays that followed, Judi noticed more progress and a little more life in her son, who re-dedicated his life to God. Relationships with other family members also began to be re-built. “He is truly a different man. My husband says there is contentment in his face. I believe he is filled with joy.”

HELPING OTHERS

On a personal and professional level, Judi has seen the damage done by addiction. She has shared her experience with others to help provide hope. “I’m disgusted with drugs and what they are doing in our society. If we can’t talk about and be real (about addiction), nothing will change,” she said. “Most of us have someone who has been touched by drugs or alcohol.”

For others facing an addiction situation similar to Judi’s, she strongly encourages them to reach out for help. “Believe in God, first. God cares about that individual. Also, there are organizations and people who care,” she said. “I don’t think you can walk that path alone.”

Rob has joined the family for gatherings, including a recent birthday dinner for him. “The kids are all over him,” Judi said of her six grandchildren.

Describing Rob as a “man of God,” Judi said for 20 years she had been uncertain of where he stood with God. Now, he challenges her at times with her faith. “It is so fun to see the results of years and years of prayer, because long before I ever thought about drugs in his life, I didn’t know where he stood with God. For many years, I’ve prayed for his spiritual life and his salvation and his relationship with Jesus. To know that whatever happens, I believe we will all be together in heaven.”

With the holidays around the corner, Judi looks forward to the time her family will spend together. She recognizes that in the past she took the time family spent together for granted but now it is much more special. “Having our family together for the holidays, I can hardly wait. I don’t care what we eat or where we meet. I just want us to be together and to be able to enjoy that…I look forward to that for many years.”