21 Jun 2016 ‘We love having a big family’

by Sonja J. Keith
Mike Kemp photos

Cory and Tanner Cangelosi had three adorable children ages 5 and younger when they discovered their sweet family was about to get bigger with the addition of triplets.

Six children so close in age was not what they envisioned, but they couldn’t be happier.

Cory grew up in southern Louisiana, where families typically have a lot of children. Looking back on when they fell in love while attending the University of Central Arkansas, Tanner recalls Cory saying he, too, wanted a big family. “When we got engaged, he said, ‘I think I want six or seven kids.’ I was like, ‘OK, whatever you think.’”

After the birth of their third child, son J.O., Tanner realized what was involved in raising children and began to think that three, or maybe four, would be a good number. “We did say let’s have another baby,” Tanner said. “We got pregnant and were so excited. We really wanted another boy to have two boys and two girls.”

During one of her doctor’s appointments, an ultrasound revealed three heartbeats. “The technician said, ‘This is a miracle! It’s like you won the baby lottery.’” Tanner was initially in tears at the prospect of doubling the number of their children but found comfort in Cory’s response: “I am really excited. I’m just speechless.”

“The fact that he was calm and excited about it allowed me to kind of settle that it was going to be OK,” Tanner said. “It’s been quite a ride.”

The couple’s six children (four girls and two boys) and their ages: 7-year-old ZuZu, 6-year-old CoCo, 4-year-old J.O. (Jacob Owen) and 2-year-olds Jill Holland, Hope and Judah.

According to Tanner and Cory, the key to managing their busy home with six small children is a schedule and discipline. “You can train a kid to do just about anything, but it takes a lot of work and time,” he said. “Nobody believes us that our (little) kids go to bed at 5:30 and sleep until 6:30, but we’ve trained them and it has kept us sane and given us family time. We don’t let them determine schedule or anything else. We have to be very disciplined.”

A typical day at the Cangelosi house begins at 6:30 a.m. “I’ve learned I need to brush my teeth and put on deodorant before the day starts or I’ll never do it,” Tanner said.

At 6:45, the three younger children get a diaper change and are dressed for the day. “Thankfully, the big girls get themselves dressed for school.” After breakfast, Cory takes ZuZu and CoCo to school on his way to work at New Life Church, leaving Tanner with the “four littles.”

The four children typically have an activity or watch a show. “I like for them to watch a show because we will sit there and snuggle,” Tanner said.

Each child has their own distinct personality and interests. Jill enjoys coloring and Hope likes to play with her baby doll. J.O. loves being outdoors and spends most of his time in a big sand box. “He could spend all day in that sandbox,” said Cory.

Later in the morning, Tanner loads up the children to head to a fitness center that provides childcare. Once they return home, it’s time for lunch, which is enjoyed outdoors if the weather allows. From noon to 2 p.m., the children go down for a nap. “If I need to do something, that’s my block of time,” Tanner said.

After their nap, the children have a snack and enjoy more activities. From 2 to 6 p.m., a part-time nanny comes in to offer a hand. “With everybody here, everything is chaotic,” Tanner said. “It’s just good to have extra eyes.”

At 3 o’clock, Tanner takes J.O. with her to pick up the two older girls at school. “We go to the park or try to do something we normally wouldn’t get to do without a helper,” she said. Logistically, it is difficult for outings for the entire family, but Tanner and Cory look forward to the day when they can all attend a UCA football game.

The family enjoys walks in their neighborhood, which has been made easier with a quad stroller. “We have great neighbors,” Tanner said.

Other fun family activities include charades, jumping on the trampoline and dancing. “We try to have a lot of fun and play,” Tanner said.

After the evening meal, Cory reads to his children. Right now, they are enjoying the “Chronicles of Narnia.” For the older children, bath time is at 7 p.m., followed by bedtime at 7:30. “That’s usually when I put on my pajamas because I’m so tired,” said Tanner with a smile.

The routine also includes a time for family worship each evening.

Faith is very important in the Cangelosi home, and each Sunday the entire family attends church together. Cory and Tanner teach their children in a way that relates back to God and His love. “Behind every ‘what,’ we want our kids to see the ‘why’ is in our relationship with God. It’s to glorify Him, it’s to honor Him,” Cory said. “It’s because of what He has done is why we share. This is why we tell the truth.

This is why we have responsibilities in our home, because God gave us this home.

“We have a lot of blessings so we want to be a blessing to others.”

While the schedule and routine help, there are some challenges in raising so many young children.

For Tanner, the hardest part is stress management. “I think for the longest time, for the moms that I was close to that had lost a baby or had a miscarriage, in my head I was thinking I can never say this is hard. I always have to be positive. I always have to be thankful, no matter what. I have to be thankful because it is a blessing, but it is hard. I was kind of struggling.”

It has been particularly difficult for Tanner following the death of her cousin last summer. “That was really hard, me learning how to grieve when not really having time to stop and breathe.”

Cory said his challenge is focusing on all the little things and sweet moments in their lives with six children and spending less time worrying about work that needs to be done. “There’s always something to be cleaned or clothes that need to be put away or a diaper that needs to be changed or someone needs to be bathed or fed. It’s easy to just get caught up in the work and miss out on the joy of family and kids,” he said. “That’s just something you have to be intentional about — to stop, re-adjust your perspective and realize it’s OK that not everything is clean. We can just have a fun time.”

Cory says he tends to be obsessive about having things cleaned up and picked up but has gained perspective. “That’s just not going to happen for the next 18 years,” he said. “It’s easy to miss the moments of life that are a blessing and those sweet moments when you worry about everything being clean and in order.”

Tanner added that even if the couple wanted to “fake” that they have it together, they couldn’t. “That’s God keeping us humble because we really don’t have it together.”

“And that’s OK,” Cory added. “We don’t have to have it together.”

Living in a new home with six young children, Tanner and Cory said it would be easy to worry about something being spilled or getting messed up. “We try to keep it in perspective. Stuff is stuff but our kids are only going to be this little once,” Cory said. “We try to enjoy this time and not be overwhelmed all the time, trying to make everything perfect.”

Even though the demands of parenthood are great, Tanner and Cory are very intentional in making time for each other and schedule a babysitter so they can enjoy a date night each week. “I’ve got the best wife in the world,” Cory said. Tanner added, “I have the greatest husband.”

The children, too, are developing a close relationship with one another. “The big kids love putting the babies to bed,” Cory said.

“They are very helpful,” Tanner said, adding that ZuZu is like a little momma. “They are good kids.”

The family recently added another member to the family — a rescue dog named Lucky. “He is the most precious thing,” Tanner said.

“The dog has been a great addition,” Cory added.

The “baby phase” was hard, with sleep deprivation and a lot of time feeding kids and changing diapers. “We were always holding somebody,” Cory said. “When you have an infant, you get a break every now and then. With a baby, when one of them would stop crying, we’re picking up another one and feeding and diapering another one.”

“It felt like (the arcade game) ‘Whack-a-Mole’ and we could never win,” Tanner said.

Since the arrival of the triplets, Tanner and Cory have had support from family and received many offers of assistance from their New Life Church family and members of other Hot Springs churches. Help also has come from Conway, where they lived previously. “It’s overwhelming but God has provided everything we needed,” Cory said.

“We’ve had tons of help,” Tanner said. “We would not have been able to do it without help.” While the help was welcomed, it was also an adjustment and took some getting used to having people in their home.

Tanner’s advice to other parents is to relax and enjoy their kids. She said the temptation with social media is to compare yourself and your family with others who appear to “have it all together” but that isn’t the case. “We don’t have it all together or have it all figured out,” she said. “No family has it together. You just need to enjoy what God has given you instead of longing for something that is imaginary.”

Cory would also encourage parents to carefully consider their children’s activities. “I see so many families that are so busy outside of the house,” Cory said. “We try not to do too many activities. Part of it is logistics, but we try to make being at home and being a family fun. Sometimes that means the house is a wreck and chores don’t get done because we’re having a dance party or playing charades or having a pillow fight or playing out in the sprinkler.”

While having six kids ages 5 and under was never their plan, Cory and Tanner adore their family.

“We love having a big family, although our quiver is full,” Cory said. “However, we have not ruled out adoption. But we want to get out of diapers first.”

“At least,” Tanner added. “And maybe in school.”