20 Sep 2016 Insights from a mother of six, including triplets

by Tanner Cangelosi

When I first discovered I was carrying triplets, besides being overwhelmed, I had no clue what to expect. Humans were not made to have “litters” of children. I had my first three babies naturally and exercised up until the day I had them. With the triplets, my pregnancy world was about to be rocked.

Pregnancy…slow your pace

“Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. I say to myself, ‘The Lord is my portion; therefore I will wait on him.’” Lamentations 3:22-24

First on my list was to find a high-risk doctor. My obstetrician at Conway Regional Medical Center, Amy Johnson, gave me great wisdom and quickly turned from just my doctor to a dear friend. She gave me the recommendation of Dr. Paul Wendel at UAMS.

He quickly instructed me at 20 weeks to eat everything in sight and rest as much as possible. My goal was 4,000 calories a day. I gobbled down cheeseburgers and milkshakes like they would soon not be offered anywhere. 

My doc encouraged me to forget about my body image for the next few months and focus on getting large. I gained about 75 pounds and now have lost it, not because I exercise, but because my life is exercise chasing these sweet babies. Your body can be fixed later, but you have one shot to make sure that your children develop in the best possible conditions.

At 26 weeks into my pregnancy, I went on bed rest. This seemed impossible with 4-, 2- and 1-year-olds. It was a juggling act of my husband taking on more at home, parents and many friends coming to help babysit and take the kids on dates. There was a lot of TV involved, but at the time it was all about cooking the triplets as long as possible. It wasn’t easy, or fun, but it was good to bring healthy babies home from the hospital straight away. 

During this time, I would suggest making movie dates with your big kids, playing cards, writing letters to the babies you’re “cooking,” reading, taking baths (to soothe an aching body), make spreadsheets of your team that will help you and watch movies. 

I went into labor at 33 weeks. At the hospital, they were able to stop my labor. I was really disappointed at the time, because I was in indescribable discomfort, but again it was a blessing to allow the three babies to grow for three more weeks. 

Sleep

“But my God shall supply all your needs according to His riches in glory by Christ Jesus.” Philippians 4:19

Sleep is so precious, and I won’t sugar coat it…the first few months are really hard. But the good news is, you won’t remember most of it!

Teaching multiples to be on the same schedule and to self soothe is crucial for your sanity. It is hard at first, but worth it after a short while. We used swaddling, noise makers and pacifiers (passies) to be signals that it was time to sleep. When they were newborns, I would sometimes hold them until they went to sleep, (just because it is fun), but I knew that my time was limited… so most nights, I would start by doing my “signals” and then laying them down and letting them put themselves to sleep. The result of this practice is now six kids who stay in their beds after prayers and kisses.

0-3 MONTHS

This is when you might start to feel like a zombie. I was really regimented with my other three singletons, so I applied the knowledge I had to the best of my ability.

We began with swaddling them tightly and sleeping the babies together in the same bed with a sound machine on. Some people will tell you not to do this, but I think it really helps the babies when they are close. During this time, they won’t really even notice if their sibling is screaming right next to them, which is pretty amazing. 

I fed the babies on the same schedule. When one baby was awake and ready to eat, I woke up the other two. So, around 9:30 p.m., I would try to make sure the babies were really hungry and had a great feeding, then clean diapers and swaddle to go down until around 1:30 a.m. If they woke up before that, I would try to use their passie or a sip of a bottle to coax them back to sleep. I would then feed at 1:30 a.m., where I wake everyone up and feed at the same time, change their diapers and swaddle them again to help them know it’s time to  sleep. Then, (in theory) they would sleep until about 5 a.m., where I would repeat the routine. 

During the day, I was less regimented about their eating, but at night I would push them, until at about 2 months I made the stretches longer, around five to six hours. At three months, I want my babies sleeping eight hour stretches…sometimes it happened and sometimes it didn’t. 

When your babies sleep, you sleep. DO NOT CLEAN OR DO LAUNDRY…I repeat…SLEEP.  This is a crucial time for you too, as you have just undergone labor or major surgery, and you need to heal properly. If you don’t make the time to rest, you can easily get sick, an infection or be just plain grumpy.

We have dear friends who came to our home to do the “night shift” with the babies at lease once a week, maybe twice. Those nights of a seven-hour stretch of sleep kept me going. Find friends like that.

3-6 MONTHS

Here is where I got a little discombobulated. My big kids were also venturing down to our room, and I had to start bribing (oh, I mean rewarding) them to stay in their beds. I was still sleeping the babies together in the same room, but I moved them to different beds. At this point, they were starting to be more aware of each other. I had heard that multiples need to sleep together, so I figured I had to stick to what “they said.” I was wrong.

What I did was put a twin mattress in the babies’ room and my husband and I alternated nights as to who would endure the torture of the nursery.

They would whimper in their sleep and wake up their brother or sister, resulting in crying fits of rage, all four of us. We wouldn’t rest well, because at every whimper, we popped up to put a passie in their mouth! What I wished I would have done was separate the babies. 

6-12 MONTHS

This is where I came out of my coma. I got smart after a few of my dear friends suggested moving the babies at night. The first night was magical. 

They slept. Hallelujah. 

Once we got the hang of it, I started to feel halfway human again. Every other night, one baby might wake up and need their passie again, but that was just one baby, and a few minutes of lost sleep…very doable. Starting at six months, schedules become your best friend. Night sleep is the most important, but also being able to count on a morning and afternoon nap at this point in the game is huge. You might actually get something done.

This also helps those little ones be far less grumpy if you nap them consistently. I would also encourage you to nap everyone together, for your sanity. Sleep is hard to lose, but just remember that this season seems so long but in the grand scheme of life, it is so very short.

JUST FOR MAMAS 

Ladies, it seems that there is no time for exercise, eating right and vitamins. And that is what I thought and how I lived for the first full year of my triplets’ lives, but it caught up with me. I implore you to take care of yourselves, because when mama goes down, we all go down. 

After that year, I experienced some personal loss with the deaths of close family members, and it sent me over the edge. I got Shingles, dizzy, over-stressed, anxiety and fatigue. It was then that I decided I needed to make some dramatic changes if I was going to survive six kids ages 5 and younger. Learn from my mistakes.

I started actually exercising when I went to the gym, instead of just sleeping by the pool. It really reduced my stress level. This exercising wasn’t earth shattering, just around 15 minutes of getting my heart rate up. 

Vitamins were also added to my regimen along with a daily reminder in my phone to drink water and eat some protein. You would think that I wouldn’t forget to eat and drink…but I did with my crew running around.  

Finally, I also started seeing a Christian counselor to talk about the overwhelming state of my life and the loss of family members. I was always one to encourage others to go to counseling but thought that I didn’t need to do it, and I was wrong. The counselor at First Baptist Church in Hot Springs really helped me sift through my broken and overwhelmed heart…she helped me get back on my feet.

So mama, if you are tired, overwhelmed, sad or sick…know you’re not alone. Seek help from a counselor, pastor or friend. Take your health and the health of your family seriously and make time for yourself, for your kids and the important things.