28 Feb 2022 Author of the Month: Allan M. Irizarry-Graves, Sr.

By Susan Peterson

We all want to feel accepted, to fit-in. 

In his recently published book, “A Quest for Belonging: Overcoming Abuse, Abandonment, and Identity Crisis,” Allan Irizarry-Graves Sr. recounts his struggle to know himself and to belong.

Allan Irizarry endured a turbulent childhood in Youngstown, Ohio. At the age of 4, he and his two brothers were placed in foster care when they were taken from their drug-addicted parents. Separated from his brothers, he found himself in eight foster homes in six years. He recalls that he found lots of ways to seek attention so others would notice him.

In his book, he recounts his foster placements, including one that was nearly fatal because the family did not allow him to receive a much-needed blood transfusion. “In all my placements, I experienced a lot, both good and bad,” he says.

Allan was smart, and in third grade he was tested for the gifted program. But much was going against him. The pressures of living in the hood, the desire for easy money and quick highs, were hard to ignore. Also, being of mixed-race parentage made placements difficult and increased his confusion as to where he belonged.

In 1998, he was placed with the Graves family. His new foster mother, Sandra Smith-Graves, was a school principal and challenged him to go beyond what others expected of him – to live “beyond his birth.” She set high aspirations and gave him the realization that education and faith were a means to a better life.

Allan did well in school, and his teachers and professors encouraged him to enter the field of science or law. But Allan was always drawn to the ministry. Today he holds degrees from Youngstown State University (Associate and Bachelor) and Pittsburgh Theological Seminary (Master) and will soon receive his Doctorate of Human Services in leadership and organizational management at Capella University.

In 2017, he moved from Ohio to Arkansas to serve as the youth and college pastor of New Hope Baptist Church in North Little Rock and Conway. He loves it here in Central Arkansas and feels it was meant to be.

Today, Allan says his greatest accomplishment is being a husband and father. He met his wife, Antoinette, who is from Chicago, when they both attended a church training session in Tennessee. They were married four years later. The couple live in Maumelle with their son “A.J.” Allan, Jr., age 2.

Years ago, Allan legally added the Graves name to his birth name rather than change it. “I didn’t want to forget where I came from. That’s still a part of me,” he said. He is still on his journey of recovery from the long-term effects of abuse and neglect.

Allan started writing his memoir as a spiritual journey, as a way to “take the Band-Aid off the wounds.” It took him about six months to complete, often writing in the darkest hours of the night, from 1 a.m. to 5 a.m. He self-published his work on Amazon in December.

One reviewer suggested that “A Quest for Belonging” could be used by youth groups or in counseling sessions or youth mentorships. Another wrote, “I pray this book truly helps bring comfort, empathy, and change for children who couldn’t choose the misfortunes they face.”

“A Quest for Belonging” is available on Amazon. It is dedicated to children in foster care and those without a voice.