20 May 2013 A very special gift
by Sonja J. Keith
It’s been nearly five months since Christmas, but the special gift presented to Beneva Farris by her grandchildren still warms her heart and celebrates the memory of her daughter who died nearly 40 years ago.
Beneva’s home in Conway had been the center of activity right before Christmas with grandchildren and other family members, but on Dec. 23 “the boys disappeared.” While Beneva had her suspicions that something was up, she had no idea what her grandchildren had planned—a gesture of love for family that even transcended time.
“I kind of knew something was going on but never in my wildest dreams,” Beneva said.
Beneva’s oldest grandson, Chip DeBoard, was running along the trail at Cadron Settlement Park a few months before the holiday when he came up with an idea for a special gift for his grandmother. He shared the idea with his wife, Holly, and broke down as he told her. He contacted his eight cousins who quickly offered their support for the idea.
“I wasn’t sure if we could have it by Christmas, but everything started falling into place,” Chip said. “That was a God-send.”
THE PRESENTATION
Around noon on Christmas Eve, the 26 members of the family gathered at Beneva’s home, and the grandchildren made a presentation—a signed letter from Conway Mayor Tab Townsell that explained the gift:
“I am honored to inform you that the Conway City Council has voted, effective as of Dec. 25, 2012, to dedicate the ‘upper pavilion’ located in Cadron Settlement Park to the loving memory of your daughter, Betty Farris.
“This pavilion is located in a pristine area of Cadron Settlement Park overlooking the Arkansas River. My hope, and the city’s intention, is that this newly dedicated pavilion will provide you and your family with a place to enjoy the natural beauty of the park, as well as remember your lovely daughter. This dedication will ensure that Betty’s memory and her legacy in this city will not be forgotten.”
The framed proclamation was passed around, each person becoming too emotional to read it. When it was handed to Chip, he finally read it through. “There wasn’t a dry eye that day,” Chip said. “I didn’t think I could get through it all.”
After the presentation, the grandchildren invited Beneva and their parents—Bill and Susan Farris, Susan and Charlie DeBoard and Cole and Sue Farris—to the park. The day before, the grandsons had gathered at the site to rake and plant azaleas along the sidewalk to the pavilion. When Beneva and her family arrived, they were treated to hot chocolate and homemade cookies.
The site had been too painful for Beneva and other family members, so it had been many years since they had visited the park. “I hadn’t seen it in a long time,” Beneva said. “I was glad to go then.”
Family members walked around the site, reminiscing about Betty and sharing hugs and tears. “We took lots of poignant family photos atop the bluff as we walked around, hugged and talked mostly about Betty, whom most of us never knew,” Sue said.
Beneva’s hope is that families will enjoy the pavilion as a place for cookouts and get-togethers, and not a place of sadness. “I hope it’s a place to go and have picnic suppers,” she said. “It’s a place of beauty.”
THE ACCIDENT
That’s what her 19-year-old daughter, Betty, was doing when the accident occurred in 1974—enjoying time with friends and cooking hot dogs over a fire one night during spring break. She was a freshman at Hendrix College, and the spot was a popular place for picnics. On this occasion, she gathered with some of her friends from Conway High, where Betty was active in school activities and a cheerleader.
“She wanted to do 100 different things,” Beneva said of her daughter’s zest for life. “She was a smart little thing.”
That night, Betty and a friend had left the group gathered around the fire to find a place to go to the bathroom when the ground underneath Betty crumbled. She fell, hitting her head on rocks and landing in the Arkansas River.
Family, friends and others joined together to search for Betty, but it took several days before her body was recovered. “All of her friends went out to see what they could do.”
The loss was tremendous for the immediate family as well as friends and others acquainted with Betty, with an outpouring of love and support following the accident. “She had made a lot of friends. Any life she’d touched loved her,” her mother said. “Betty was Miss Friendly and knew everyone . . . The accident touched a lot of people.”
Beneva commented that even sales clerks in Little Rock stores would ask if they were the family who had lost a daughter when they saw the family name.
“As hard as it was on her dad and me, it was hardest on our children.”
Following the accident, the family took steps to make the site safer for others. “We had a fence put up so it wouldn’t happen again.”
Beneva—who has a photo of her daughter in every room—sees some of Betty in her grandchildren and even her great-grandchildren. She is comforted by the gift and that her grandchildren were moved by the loss and wanted to do something to help “make it easier.”
Knowing others care has helped ease the pain over the last 40 years. Her advice to others who have suffered the loss of a child: “You have to take it one day at a time and ask God to help you,” she said. “I don’t know how people do it without God.”
THE GIFT
Chip is appreciative of city officials and their interest in honoring Betty. “The city was great,” he said. “They were all for it.”
Without hesitation, Beneva smiles and says the gift has to be the best she has ever received. “I think this tops them all.”
“It means more to me because the grandchildren let me know that their moms and dads have talked to them about Betty. I think it is sweet they wanted to do something for Betty . . . She deserves to be remembered.”
A proud grandmother, Beneva appreciates not only the thought, but also the effort that went into the gift.
“For them to take their time and plant these things, it means a lot to me,” she said. “You can’t imagine what that means,” Beneva said. “I have the sweetest bunch of grandkids there ever was. That’s the sweetest part of all. My grandkids are so caring.”
Chip, who was 4 when Betty died, has no memory of Aunt Betty, and neither do his cousins—they were all too young or not even born when she died. Still, they were familiar with her photo at their grandmother’s house and the love that the family had for her. Lots of stories about her were shared on Christmas Eve. Since then, Chip has also heard others who knew Betty in high school talk about what a special person she was. “She was just an awesome person,” he said.
“The loss of my little sister left a deep wound in our family that has never really healed,” said Chip’s mother, Susan. “I never thought anything could bring closure, but amazingly this thoughtful act on the part of Chip, his brother and sister and all of the cousins has done just that. None of the kids ever knew Betty, but they have heard about her all of their lives.
“But still I find it so incredibly kind of Chip to have brought them all together to do this. I’m very proud of him and love him so much.”
Reflecting on the time when the idea came to him, Chip said he didn’t want the park to be a sad place for his family but a location that could be enjoyed by many, which prompted the landscaping and pledge to help maintain the area.
“We wanted it to be a happy place where we could remember the good times,” Chip said. “It doesn’t need to be a sad place. It’s too pretty to be forgotten. We want it also to be a place where she’s remembered.”
