21 Jun 2016 ‘A time to weep, a time to laugh’

by Vivian Lawson Hogue

In recent years, I have paid attention to obituaries and arrived at some conclusions. Many people pass away “surrounded by family,” which always seemed to be a crowded situation, while others have lengthy lists of good deeds. Some obits reflect utter grief, while others display lightheartedness hinting at the deceased’s sense of humor. The word “died” seems harder to say than the ancient “passed away,” which is often used in the South.

I recently had the honor of writing the obituary for my youngest brother who passed away unexpectedly. There was need for much quick thinking and planning, which was done admirably by his son. All I needed to do was summarize his education, research, medical experiences, career reputation and honors, authorship, teaching and military service, multiple talents, personality and spirituality in something quite smaller than a book.

Of the five of we siblings, Noel and I were the youngest, being closest in age and “time in the nest.” I always knew he had mightier brain power than me, but I was more impressed that he always put it to good use. Even as a youngster, if he didn’t have what he needed to create something, he would seem to make it out of little or nothing and it would work. This trait carried into his adult hobbies of painting miniature figures, dioramas and watercolors.

Teaching of some variety was common in our family, but Noel’s creative spin had a special style. Chris Spatz, an early denizen of the College Avenue neighborhood and friend of Noel, told this story: “At about age 10, we were in the ‘automobile business,’ building ‘cars’ to sell at our stand at the corner of College and Davis by his house. His design was low, sleek and fast; mine looked like a Model-T. However, it seems neither of us was very good at marketing.

“My best memory and instruction was spending an afternoon building ‘house sites’ into crevices at the base of an oak tree in his yard. We were on opposite sides, building away. I went around to see what he had done and found that he had a much better site — more overhang, better roots for supporting a roof and such. I complained. He said, ‘Here, you can have this place.’ I happily took over the better site and made improvements.

“When I finished and went around to the other side, I discovered that now he had the better site — moss for carpeting, willow oak leaves woven into a roof, a lean-to that housed a stick car. A veritable ‘Boy’s Life’ paradise.”

At Noel’s wake, similar stories were told by friends from other times and places in his life, and it became clear that he wanted the “students” to know that there was always potential for improvement in their work.

Noel was very proud of our Scot/Irish heritage and followed it through our genealogy. He once enjoyed a trip to Scotland and returned with our tartan fabric, coat of arms, badges and crests. When our father died in 1999 at age 98, I honored his earlier request to give him a Scottish send-off with thistle on the casket, a bagpiper and the family men wearing tartan ties and I, a sash. Noel presented the eulogy as he had our mother’s.

When his own time came, it was another Scottish celebration of life replete with pipes and a wake afterward. With the ingathering of guests, it was heartening to hear laughter and chatting as they shared memories of their days with him in our neighborhood as well as high school, college, the Navy, his medical field and his music and art. Even though a renowned physician, it was his personal, beneficial attention to others that resonated.

Whether we have our loved ones surrounding us when we die, or if we’re still trying to find our halos at our last breath, what we leave behind are results of our actions and what people think and say about us.

So how would your obituary read? Fifty words or less, with extra cost for each additional word! 

A native of Conway, Vivian Lawson Hogue graduated from the University of Central Arkansas with a degree in art education. A retired teacher, she worked in the Conway School District for 23 years. She is editor of the Faulkner County Historical Society’s semi-annual publication, “Faulkner Facts and Fiddlings.” She can be reached at [email protected].